Bus Drivers

My uncle Phillip is/was a bus driver, but maybe he should think again about his chosen profession....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7116720.stm

Seems bus drivers are more likely to die earlier than lawyers/solicitors and other professionals.

One thing is certain though...life is a terminal disease and we all go sometime! It makes me wonder - all these professionals may live longer, but is their quality of life in the latter years worth it? I mean what is the point of spending the twilight years sat in a nappy, dribbling and not knowing what day it is?

Wibble...

Smoking Makes Your Nob Fall Off

No it doesnt, and neither will it increase your risk of going bald I suspect! I bet my grandad would be laughing at that one, as he mops his fringe out of his eyes.

Also, my uncle Peter and uncle Phillip must have been pretty annoyed this morning as they polished their collective heads, as they have never smoked!

Seems like its just another stupid report, probably funded by some anti-smoking lobby to scare a few more people.

Scotland the Brave?

I notice that Alex Salmond has predicted that Scotland will be independant by 2017, and will be awash with cash from the oil fields of the north sea.

Thats great! i wish him all the best, however, I think he is treading on thin ice with this announcement, but he should make sure it happens sooner rather than later...

If he doesn't extricate Scotland from the Union soon, then Scotland risks enduring an American style 'liberation' now the yanks realise they have oil!

Gym

Well today I have joined the local gym. It dawned on me on Friday, that I had driven to Loughborough, then driven to Marlow, then had a meeting, then had a lunch consisting of a pint, a starter and a main, then driven to Loughborough, then back onto Lincoln.

The common factor in all of this was my arse. I had been sat on it all day, and realised that as the new place doesnt have a gym, unless I got up off my arse, I was going to end up on one of these 'Diet Doctors' or 'You are what you eat' programs.

Have you ever watched 'Diet Doctors'? Basically you get the usual 'tub o' lard' in off the street, and the two Harpie presenters stating the bleedin' obvious!

Tub o Lard: "I don't understand why Im an absolute gut bucket"

Harpy #1: "Well, have you seen the sh!t you put in your stomach on a weekly basis?"

Harpy#2: "Yes, thats why you stink of wee"

Tubbs: "F*ck me, Im a right daft b@stard - I never though eating all this cake would make me fat"

Harpy #1: "Follow our bread and water diet and we'll see you back in 3 weeks"

3 weeks later....hey presto, the weeble has lost a couple of stones and can't believe it was so easy!

So, today, I started off with a swimming session, and tomorrow I'll be hitting the CV stuff in the gym - that should hold the diet doctors at bay for a while :-)

The Great Green Con

I heard on the radio today, that Virgin Atlantic will soon be offering passengers the chance to buy a Carbon Offset when the duty free trolley comes around!

Ha!

It seems that to carbon offset a trip to New York might cost about £20. What a con! They don't state how this extra tax might be used to offset your journey, so I imagine that it will go straight into the pocket of Mr Branson.

The conversation would probably go something like this....

Stewardess: "Hello Mr Taylor, would you like to give £20 to offset your journey?"

Me: "Hmm, no thanks, perhaps you might like a kiss?"

Stewardess: "Im sorry I don't follow?"

Me: "Well I thought I might offer you the chance to kiss my hairy arse?"

I can imagine what would happen if I started adding a few quid to my invoice at work, and tried to pass it off as an offset!

This green bandwagon is really getting beyond a joke now I think...

My Tits

I was driving along in my car yesterday and noticed something on my tits. It was Amy Winehouse.

Let me explain...

Mindful of recent comments that I listened to 'boring' radio 4, I decided to tune to radio 1, in an attempt to become more hip and cool. Amy Winehouse and the cover version 'Valerie' was on. Now don't get me wrong, I like the beehive sporting, pop bad girl, and her tune, 'Rehab' is in my top 25 most listened to tracks on my iPod. I just feel that 'Valerie' is getting a little too much air play...

I tuned to Radio 2...

Amy Whinehouse - 'Valerie'

I tuned to Hallam FM...

Amy Whinehouse - 'Valerie'

Humph...I tuned to Lincs FM...

Amy Whinehouse - 'Valerie'

It was at this point, I noticed Amy on my tits.

I tuned to radio 4, it was a report on the falling stock markets. I sat back in my seat and lapped up my boring old fogey ways :-)

Amy Whinehouse now gets on my tits.

New Job

Just finished the first week of my new job. Its going very well and Im enjoying getting my teeth into the new challenge.

Haloween was good, and Carol had the usual party. I have some pictures to post too, and one of the pics seems to show a disembodied face staring out from the garden - spooky!

Anyway - gotta dash. I'll be posting more later :-)