Margaritte

This is a picture of that Trading Spouses lady...see previous thread for details :-)

Indian Call Centre Says No

Well, well, well got home tonight and checked my mail box - lo and behold - no SIM card! I could hardly wait to get in and ring them up to complain! Yay!

Rang them up again...got through to America's equivilent of an Indian call centre (as usual) and after three attempts to get this dumb ass to understand me he managed to pull my case notes up.

"Please be bearing with me, I am putting you on hold, you might be experiencing some silence"

After 15 fecking minutes he comes back on again

"Please be accepting my appologies for the wait. You case has been raised to the warehouse manager"

I then pointed out to him that he has had 6 weeks to send me a SIM card to the (correct) address, that I have verified three times now. I asked if I could expect a SIM card tomorrow.

"You will be recieving a phone call tomorrow from the warehouse manager"

"But Im at work until 6pm, I wont be in. Will I get a SIM card tomorrow"

"You will be recieving a phone call tomorrow from the warehouse manager"

At this point I told him that if I didn't receive a SIM card tomorrow, he could shove his trackfone up his arse and I would buy a T-Mobile PAYG phone. Afterall, its not difficult to send a SIM card to a given address is it?

Sometimes I just wish I could talk to a computer, rather than some excuse for a call centre human being automaton. Makes u realise just how well observed Little Britain is with their 'Computer Says No' lady



If anyone thinks i was wrong to tell them man to shove the phone up his arse, its ok, the Americans love the way we say 'Arse' as opposed to 'Ass'. He'll be telling his other brain dead retard colleagues about it for years...probably made the 'sad sack of sh!t's' day. God Im just so nice even when Im being horrible :-)

New Research

New research from Dublin suggests that fatter people may have too much fatty tissue in their ass to make it difficult for the needle to penetrate the muscle and administor the medicine.

The arse is the preferred site because it contains relatively few major blood vessels, nerves or bones that could be damaged by the needle, but the underlying muscle has a rich supply of microscopic blood vessels which can absorb medicines effectively

So, what they are saying, is if you have a fat arse you arent getting your shots properly, cos the needle cant get to the muscle properly

A classic quote was :

"Dr Chan said her work suggested that patients were either not receiving the maximum benefit of a drug or receiving no benefit at all. "

What they failed to add was:

"Dr Chan said her work suggested that patients were either not receiving the maximum benefit of a drug or receiving no benefit at all. To be honest for all the benefit they got, they might as well have shoved it up their arses"

Ah, comedy, I really should write it :-)

White Goods Return

Bah...The washer and dryer have returned from their thanks giving holiday. Looks like I cant be super annoying to the people at Execustay then. Still no sign of a tracfone sim card though...there is hope!

I love moaning, I do

Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Told you so! The weather has turned a bit nippy in the UK and a little bit of snow has fallen and everyone is surprised!

I was just reading the BBC website and the correspondant, John Kay said: the snowfall in Gloucestershire had "taken an awful lot of people by surprise".

"It raises questions about how prepared we are as a nation to deal with extreme weather," he said.

The author of this blog was quoted as laughing: "Extreme weather my arse!"

Jesus 'Tap Dancing' Christ....you get 5 inches of snow and you have people dying. Firstly....why would snow take people by surprise at the end of November? Secondly, the met office have radars and all kinds of other weather related information gathering tools. Surely they can determine cold air temperatures and precipitation, and thus the likelihood of snow?!

Who works in the Met Office!?! Oh hang on, I used to know someone who worked there...now i understand!

Oh dear, the price of gas has gone through the roof this winter too...things are looking bleak...I reckon we will see the 'frozen old biddy' story some time between now and the new year.

Might we see another 'Winter of Discontent' this year? Blimey, the last time there was one of those was back when labour was in last time!

God Damn, its warm in my apartment tonight, think i'll have to crank up the air con :-D

The Case of the Missing White Goods

Last Tuesday I did some washing. I knew it was time to do some, because my socks walked themselves to the washing pile and demanded to be washed!

I decided to finish off the washing on Friday, so I peeled the rest of the stuff that needed doing off the floor and took them to the utility room. I was amazed to find that the washer and drier had just vanished into thin air! I wondered if maybe, as it was thanksgiving, they had gone off on holiday together, but then I realised I was sober, and that doesn't happen in the real world. Then I wondered if I had been burgled, but realised my iPod, phone, laptop and TV were all still there. Maybe they have pretty filthy burglars in the USA?

I rang the agency (Execustay), and left a message on their out of hours number, but they hadn't rung back a few hours later, so I called them again. I got the answer machine again. This time I said that as no one had asked me for permission to enter my property and remove goods, I must assume that this was a break in, so unless I got called back within ten minutes, I would be reporting it to the police as theft. Less than a minute after putting the phone down I got called back :-)

Slack bastards....

They said they knew of no reason why my washer and dryer should have been taken, but home depot had been instructed to remove the items from apartment 1136 (im in 1236)

Dumb twats.....

Anyway, that was Friday. Its now Monday. Lets see how long it is before I get my stuff back!
Im going to make a point of ringing them every day and annoying them - Im really really good at that :-)

I also called tracfone last night to find out why its taken 6 weeks to send me a new SIM card. They reckon I should get it within 1 working day...Every day after that, Im going to turn up the super annoying dial :-)

And America reckons its strong point is its service industry...Hmmm not from where im sitting.

Little Britain

I hear the new series of little britain started this week in the UK. Looks like Ill have to get the DVD when it comes out :-(

The link below details how 'Incontact' an incontinence charity said it was 'offensive and in poor taste...they go on to say that their 15000 members probably found it particularly offensive.

Really? I imagine most of their members probably pissed themselves laughing....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/4460876.stm

Here We Go Again

Every single year, its the same news story. Cold snap hits Britain, Britain grinds to a halt.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4457744.stm

I just bet you any money, that when the cold weather comes along, there will be the usual outcry as to why certain councils didn't grit the roads when they knew the cold front was coming.

There will be the same news story about some old biddy dying because she daren't turn up the extra bar on her electrical fire.

Its like the news rooms across the country have these stories filed away in draws that they get out every now and then.

Get over it England, it gets cold in winter.

Criminals

According to a report on the BBC website, criminals in England and Wales are now being made to wear lurid 'Escape Suites' to make them instantly recognisable if they try to escape...a bit the the American Orange suits.

These escape suits are green and yellow. These just happen to be the same colours of the Australian national sports teams...coincidence? :-)


A criminal modelling the new jump suit






An Australian 'sportsman'

South Park and Tom Cruise

Watched the latest South Park the other night. This episode was about poking fun at Tom Cruise and Scientology. Stan is seen as the 'second coming' of L Ron Hubbard, but then realises its a scam and is threatened with legal action for exposing it.

There was even a segment explaining all about Scientology, with the caption underneath proclaiming 'This is what Scientologists Actually Believe' It appears it revolves around lots of alien spirits being banished to earth, living in volcanoes and then inhabiting early mans bodies to fill them with fear :-) All seems a bit science fiction to me, but then again L Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer...

Tom Cruise, John Travolta and R Kelly also make an appearance, and I would be amazed if Tom Cruise doesn't sue! Tom ends up hiding in the closet, and they even get Nicole Kidman to try and get him to 'come out of the closet'!

The end credits rolled and all the names were 'John Smith' or 'Jane Smith', so it seems that not even the South park studio's are taking responsibility for his one!

The Weather

The temperature has dropped considerably this week. Its about 14 degrees C here today. Stark contrast to last weeks high of 86 F (about 29c i think).

However, although you can feel the nip in the air, we still have cloudless skies and bright sunshine, which makes all the difference.

A lot of people here at work are feeling really tired and lethargic today, which I think must have something to do with the temperature drop

New Drinking Laws

Yay! It seems we can enjoy longer drinking hours in the UK now. I don't think this will lead to greater levels of binge drinking. There will be no drinking to a deadline anymore then having thousands of drunks pouring out onto the streets all wanting a taxi (or in the case of Hull, a pizza, a fight then a taxi)

I remember (vaguely) when I was in Madrid on a lads weekend away, we could drink in pubs until 7am. Also when I was working in Sydney, I didn't understand that I could stay in the pub until 2am, so as I result I chugged as many pints as I could and by 11pm I was collapsed in the bar. I had to be loaded in a taxi, and then had to remember where I lived.

I bet in a years time, there will be reports in the media about what a great idea longer opening times are. Welcome to the 21st century, UK drinking laws.

Still can't get a fecking beer here though :-)

Freakozoid

Went down to the gym again this lunch time - Ive been going every day. Still managing sub 25 minute 5k's, haven't done any sub 20 minutes for months now, but im not doing too badly.

When Im running I usually sweat quite a bit, which I would consider normal. This is why I wear my gym kit, because if I wore my work clothes, I would stink (no sarky comments please) and it would be uncomfortable anyway running in jeans - do you not agree?

Anyway, there is this guy who comes down to the gym virtually every day too, and he looks like Dr Seuss. He always wears the same stuff...really tight drain pipe jeans and a flowery shirt. His hair is always the same and never out of place. What really annoys me is that he will get on a treadmil, stretch for 5 minutes - still in his jeans and shirt, and then run for about half an hour *still in his jeans and shirt* but this is the freaky bit - he never ever sweats. NOT ONE DROP!
Then he gets off the treadmill and goes and does a few weights or gets on the bike for another 10 minutes. He then picks up his water bottle and leaves! Whats wrong with him?? Use the showers!!! I know that he goes back to work after his work out cos I've seen him in the corridors in the same gear!!! Freakozoid! Its just too weird.

Maybe he has had his sweat glands lasered out? (I think you can do that these days) Or maybe he's one of the aliens knocking around these parts?

Its all very strange....

The Weekend

Hey

Was working Friday night, and didn't get home 'til gone 4am (started at 6:30 pm) Went to bed and got woken up at 10am by someone wanting to speak to Ricky Walker. I keep getting calls for this retard - it seems he owes money to a few people. if anyone one knows who he is let me know so I can pass his details on to the next mug who rings up wanting him.

After that I couldn't get back to sleep to I mooched around for a couple of hours before crashing out on the sofa at about 1pm. I woke up again at 6pm. Went to bed early and slept for about 10 hours :-)

On Sunday I decided to go out for a walk in the sunshine and have a look at what the Addison Strip had to offer. Luckily this isn't Barry Addison removing his clothes (shudder!) but a long road full of stuff to do and see!

I found out that 30 mins walk away from my house is the Improv comedy club, so I will be frequenting there, probably on Saturday! Maybe I should resurrect my stand up comedy career?! There is also a liquor store! Yay!

I was out walking for about an hour and a half, but I really wish I had have worn some sun block - Im a little bit 'tanned' today!

Trading Spouses

This is really funny....This program is on the Fox network on a Wednesday, check out the following link. If you can't view it from work, I urge you to check it out at home or on a PC that will allow you to watch streaming video

http://www.fox.com/tradingspouses/video.htm

The link will now take u to the video!

It strikes me that our ancestors used to go down to Colney Hatch in London and laugh at the loonies, but nowadays we put them on TV

This isn't a joke, this lady is real (real scary if you ask me!). What a f*cking Freak!

Enjoy :-DDDD

Heres a transcript of the video:

Marguritte: I want no money, I want nothing, I want my God and I want my family
She was tampering in dark sided stuff
Shes not a chritst-ian!
Her entire house is dark sided tooo-ah

Gorg-girl, slaggettes (??)
This is tainted (ripping up the envelope), I dont want it, whatever it is, its tainted
Everything is un-Godly
Dark-sided
I gave it up to God, Im a God warrior, and i dont want someone who's tainted, and I dont want anyone who doesnt believe doing anything with my family

Father: (trying to calm her) Im glad you're home

Marguritte: Get the hell out of my house, In Jesus's name, I pray, (screaming) Get Out!

After all her 'talk' of not wanting the tainted money, she decided to reconsider in the end and she took it :-D Part of the money she spent on a gastric by-pass (I kid you not!). Someone should point her to the bit in the bible about the 7 deadly sins and underscore the Gluttony part, she would probably scream something about her glands though

Well, Jeez, God really does move in mysterious ways, don't he :-)

Portugal Pics

I've finally got around to getting the pics off my phone, so here's a few of the holiday in Portugal:

This is Claire at the front of the villa. It was huge, and private :-)

Heres me, needing a haircut. This was on the first day

Here's Claire enjoying her freedom by the pool in the villa

A close up of Claire! I dont think she could believe she was free and in another country!

This is the bath my mum slipped on and cracked her head open. She was very lucky to only require a few stitches.

However, she was pretty unlucky to get badaged up with this yellow head-dress!

Me and Claire - Not the greatest pic of me!

G'Day Mate

Good Grief! Do I sound Australian??! Virtually everytime I open my mouth in a shop or restaurant, I get asked where in Australia I come from. Whilst out shopping with Imogen, one guy even started playing 'Waltzing Matilda' over the shops PA system, then asked me if I was Austalian or from New Zealand! He was quite surprised when I told him I was from England. Another bloke even started calling me Croc Dundee, cos I looked like Paul Hogan. I suppose it must be the Northern accent, that must make me sound like an Aussie - ho hum.

Anyway, went to Dealey Plaza last Thursday to see the Sixth Floor Museum (for any Americans reading this, Dealey Plaza is where Kennedy was shot - I know as a country you only have a short history, and its such a shame that you don't seem to bother to even learn about it!) Anyway, it was a really good museum and it was quite eerie to think that you're stood almost in the exact same spot that history was made. When you go outside into the plaza itself, there are two X's marked on the road where he took the shot in the neck and then the fatal one to the head. Dodging the traffic, I stood on the X's and you can clearly see that Oswald had line of sight to the Presidents head, and I have no doubts that Oswald acted alone.

I timed cars going between the two X's on the road and it took them around about 2.5 seconds traverse the two. When you consider the motorcade was going a lot slower than the cars I timed, and Oswald could re-load the rifle in 1.6 seconds, its pretty obvious that he had time to re-load, take aim, and fire.

I can almost hear the conspiracy nuts saying "Well why do you think the motorcade slowed down, huh, buddy?" Well, thats obvious...the car had just turned from Huston Street into Elm street, which is a pretty sharp turn, so he *obviously* had to slow down. After seeing the place for myself, I just can't believe that there is a conspiracy surrounding the whole event now.

"Well what about the shots from the Grassy knoll - explain that one Mr Taylor?"

Have you ever seen the grassy knoll? To even suggest that anyone could have stood there with a rifle and shoot someone just beggars belief! They would be clearly visible to everyone - even if they had been hiding in the bush's they still wouldn't have had time to shoot, then run off or even speed away in a car - its all very open. The acoustics must have made it sound like a shot rang out from there. How many times have you heard a car back firing or a plane flying overhead and you look in the opposite direction?

"Yea, well, what about the puff of smoke seen on the knoll? nswer that one Mr Smarty pants"

Ok I will. How many rifles (like the one Oswald used) leave a puff of smoke after you fire them? Surely, for the rifle to leave a plume of smoke it would have had to have been firing flintlock or some sort of gun powder type substance?? So quite frankly, the idea of a government conspiracy or cover up is, in my mind, a whole load of tosh. Get over it America, some lone gunman shot your president. Now Princess Diana...thats a whole different story....!