Composting

My composting bin turned up yesterday, and Ive placed it on my veggie patch. It was interesting to read about what you can and can't put in there - nail clippings, hair etc

I was going to shred my Babylon Zoo CD and compost it, but then I read you're not supposed to compost human excrement :-D

Oh well, there's always my coal fire....

Its Hot in Topeka

This is a clip from Fosters Home for Imaginary friends. Everyone in the house has gone to the beach, leaving Bloo on his own. He's bored. This clip just strikes a chord with me, cos I do similar things when Im bored *ahem* except for the makeup bit!

Busy Busy Busy!

Seems like ages since I last posted anything...Its not like I haven't had anything to write about! A couple of weeks ago, I was in Northern Ireland on a course. I was in Derry, and its quite hard to believe that just a few years ago the whole place had such troubles

Last weekend, Tony came over, and I hired a digger. Me, Carol and Tony spent the entire weekend digging out the driveway. It looks really good now - it'll look even better when its graveled etc. We were all totally knackered afterwards! I have pictures on my phone - just need to have some time to download them and post them.

Wednesday sees the start of Big Brother. I know I shouldn't watch it, but I know that I will just get suckered in.


A new series of 'Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends' starts next weekend. I know its just a cartoon, but its the best thing on TV at the moment, in my opinion! The plot revolves around Blooregard Q Kazoo (see picture) and his creator, Mac, an 8 year old lad.






Anyway, thats all for now - pictures and more to follow next week!

Not Long Now!

Well, if all the reports and pundits are correct, we can look forward to that smarmy bastard Blair leaving Number 10 this week - maybe even tomorrow!

I can't wait.

I think I will be celebrating when he's gone - I already have the wine chilling in the fridge (white wine obviously, its only my dad that chills red!) Its lucky that I have a fairly well paid job, otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford such items. 'Tax-It-All' Brown has increased the duty on alchol and the like to the hilt over his tenure as Chancellor. I can hardly wait to see how he eff's things up as PM.

In my opinion, he should call an election straight away, that way he would have a mandate to be PM. Somehow, I don't think doing the honourable thing is what Brown is about.

Voting

Well, I cast my vote in the local elections at 7:20am this morning. No prizes for guessing which party *didn't* get my vote!

However, it got me thinking. These are local elections, about local issues, but I would bet my bottom dollar that most people who vote today will use their votes as a vote of 'no confidence' in the three main parties. Ah well, as long as Bluergh gets a good kicking!

Ah well, at least he wont be PM much longer. Im going to have a party when he eff's off! I can't wait, then we'll have the inspiringly named Brown for a few months before he gets booted out

Mii and the Wii

My neighbor, Carol, has recently bought a Nintendo Wii. At first I thought the games on them would just be gimmicky and very similar to the PS2 Eyetoy. Don't get me wrong, the eyetoy has some great games, but the Wii surpasses them on every level!

My favorite game is Wii sports. The baseball games on this are totally great, and the tennis games come in a close second, in my opinion. I'm rubbish at bowling, so thats last on my list :-p
The golf is probably the hardest, and the boxing doesn't quite float my boat.

With the Wii, you also get to create your own character, or Avatar. Here is mine :-


Handsome devil, don't ya think? :-) I decided to put a hat on him, because I made him just after I came back from snowboarding, also there isn't the right level of 'hair loss' to create a the right image (Its either William Hague i.e a little hair at the side, or a full blown 'Britney Spears' There is no 'Monk chic' level of hair) Anyway, I think it captures the essence of me (or should I say Mii?)

This is Carol's Mii...


For fun, and to scare the kids off the Wii, I decided to conjour up a Michael 'Jesus Juice' Jackson Mii. Uncanny eh? :-D

There is an option on the sports game to do a fitness check every day. It puts you through your paces and then scores your fitness level. I started off with a fitness level of about 83, but now I'm down to 29 - its very addictive!

There is a Wario game, which is just weird. Wario is basically an evil Mario character on acid. You have to do lots of, frankly, bizarre tasks. I imagine you also have to do lots of drugs too to truly appreciate it.

Carol has Mario Kart too, which I haven't played yet, but it is one of my favorite Nintendo games

Well, Im off to do my fitness!

Trade Description Act

I bought a lottery ticket the other day, on the off chance of scooping a cool 8 million big ones. I got to the shop, and because Im a relatively lazy so-and-so, I decided just to get a lucky dip. Basically, what Im saying is "Well Camelot, I'll take your huge jackpot, but Im not prepared to take some time thinking about 6 numbers"

For the last few days I have been buoyed up by my impending jackpot win. It was a lucky dip...what could possibly go wrong? Lucky, to me, implies 'dead cert', a 'sure thing'. So I have been going around mentally spending the 8 million.

I would hire a Global Express executive jet to take me and a lucky few to some exotic remote island, where we would spend the next month living an idylic party life style.

Then I would go somewhere skiing, and spend the next month living an idylic party life style...

You get the impression...

So, imagine my surprise when checking my 'Lucky' numbers to find I didn't get one sodding number! Lucky Dip, my arse! I feel I have a good case to sue Camelot - what the hell is so lucky about not getting one friggin' number??

They should rename this tickets to 'A 13.8 million in one chance Dip' or, more acurately 'Not a chance in Hell Dip'

And the people who win these enormous jackpots - pah! The all say the same thing:

"Despite clearly having more money than sense, I wont give up work"

and

"It wont change me"

All that money is wasted on these people! Have some imagination! Give it to me and watch a guy having a great time!

Anyone know any good lawyers willing to do Pro Bono work? After all I don't have any money to pay them!

Another Scoop!

Well, not only did I pre-empt the 'Poppies & the Morphine' story a few months back, but it seems the government has been reading this blog again....

I refer of course, to the 'Tough on Crime' post below. The only thing I got wrong was the age. I said the '78 year old lady' She was actually 81!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/south_east/6566131.stm

Well she did seem to be in contempt of court, and make her neighbours life hell, but c'mon! One minute we're hearing about how full the prisons are, and the next we're locking up old biddies!

Well, at least we're being tough on crime, eh Tony? :-D

Is This the End of Men?

Well scientists can now produce sperm cells from bone marrow. How amazing is that? They take stem cells from the marrow and tell them to turn into sperm cells. They will then inject the sperm into the bollocks, and Bobs your aunties live in lover, as it were.

I imagine it will be as painful as it sounds.

They foresee this technology being used to help men who are infertile (eg after chemotherapy) to become fertile again.

I reckon women will want to use this technology to have their own children too. As I see it:

Two 'lady friends' who want a child
One 'lady friend' donates an egg, the other one donates some bone marrow. Voila, men need not apply.

Would that scenario even be possible??

Would it be possible for a woman to donate an egg *and* bone marrow and be able to reproduce without a second party? So, in theory, a virgin birth might be possible...

The mind truly boggles!

Bus Driver

I read here about a bus driver who made an amputee remove both his legs to prove he was disabled, and therefore entitled to his free bus pass...I bet the poor guy was hopping mad.

Anyway, for one minute I thought it was Phillip :-D I wouldn't have put it past him!

Tough on Crime

...Tough on the causes of crime...well that was the mantra ten years ago, and it appears that this government has been so successful in nabbing the crims that now all the prisons are full.

Well, they're full of the soft targets, like the 78 year old granny who wont pay her council tax, the speeding motorist and the mothers convicted on expert witness testimony.

Maybe its a good thing that the home office is being split into two. It can't be any more unfit for purpose than it is now. Maybe then they will know where all the absconding violent offenders, murders and rapist are

With all this in mind, it amused me to read that Blurgh, desperate to secure some kind of legacy, other than the failed debacle of Iraq, should announce that he is now targeting career criminals. Read here. I must admit, when I first read it, I thought he was targeting 'carer criminals' which wouldn't have surprised me at all. I can just imagine his press conference...

"We, the Labour Government" sickly look to camera, "Will now make it more difficult" gesturing of hands "For the people of Britain, to care for an elderly loved one" toothy cringe-worthy smile

Anyway, if they are going to target these career criminals, who of course, the police are very well aware of, where are they going to put them? In one of those new jails in the shopping malls? No no no!

I imagine they will give them a slap on the back of the hand and send them on a nice holiday somewhere.

I love paying extra taxes, I do.

23 = Lame

Here is some of the film 23's Blurb....

Each parent contributes 23 chromosomes to the DNA of a child.

It takes 23 seconds for blood to circulate throughout the entire body.

The human biorythm is 23 days long.

In human, the 23rd chromosomes determine gender

December 23, 2012, is the date the Hayan calendar ends, predicting an apocalypic event.

Jim Carrey's production company is JC23 Entertainment.

230 people died on TWA Flight 800.

W is the 23rd letter of the alphabet. The symbol for that letter is two points down and three points up.

John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963, and his suspected assassin- Lee Harvey Oswald - was killed on November 24, 1963, the 23rd being in between.

David Beckham is #23

January 23, 2006 - The Number 23 began filming.

Kurt Cobain: Born 1967: 1+9+6+7=23. Died 1994: 1+9+9+4=23.

The days on which the signs of the Zodiac begin and end are the 22nd and the 23rd of most months.

The distance from the center of the planet Mars to the center of its farthest moon is 23,500 Kilometres.

Michael Jordon is #23

Earth's axis is off by 23.5 degrees.

The sum of the digits of the US Bicentennial year (1976) equals 23: 1 + 9 + 7 + 6 = 23

Stuff like this *always* makes me laugh. As I have mentioned before in this blog, my dad has a thing about the number 13 (maybe after he reads this he might start fretting about the number 23!) If he wakes up and the numbers on his clock add up to 13 he has to stay in bed an extra minute :-)

Well, you can pretty much make anything add up to any thing you like. Take my birthday for example...

30th July 1970
(put that in your diaries and send me a nice present)

30 minus the 7th month = 23 Woa!

3+0+7+1+9+7+0 = 27;
3*9 = 27
3+9+2+7 = 21
Adding the 2 redundant 0's = 23

Shit! Im starting to scare myself now - LOL!

LAME!

More Films

It struck me the other week, that I have never seen any of the Batman films or the Spider man films. I have no idea why I never got around to seeing them, but I have addressed this situation and Ive now seen:

• Batman Begins
• Spider Man
• Spider Man 2

Pretty good films they are too. Doesn't Spider Man 3 come out soon too?

Anyway, I have also seen 300, which was ok, but relied a little too heavily on CGI. I think it was probably so it kept faithful to the comic strip. Very blood thirsty too.

Notes on a Scandal is a brill film, never really been a fan of Judy Dench, but she is just great in this.

The Illusionist is another good film too...The Number 23, on the other hand, is woefully shite.

Anyway, I have tiled one side of my garage roof and half of the other side - I just need to order 60 or so more tiles. Im actually parking my car in there now!

Lack Of Sex

A creature has been found that has gone 100 million years without sex. Read here.

I know a creature like that too, he's called Eddy :-)

Looks like its gonna be another lean 100 million years for him :-D

Conditions

Why is it, that whenever I do *anything* to my garage roof, we get hurricane conditions? Yesterday I finished felting the other side of the roof, and I have started to tile it, and last night and today its blowing an absolute gale?

Well upon inspection this morning, everything is still in place and hasn't moved an inch, so its probably good that it has had a bit of a baptism of fire

Im finding it difficult to type today, because when I was hammering one of the nails in, I missed and belted my index finger. Its bruised and swollen today :-(

Anyway, Im off to cook for Mutha's Day