Speaking of Death

Its almost time to compile this years Death List. 2005 saw a bumper crop of corpses for us this year, and myself, Mike, Tony, Chubbster and Baz, have a list of ten celebs who we think are going to bite the bullet in 2006. This list is, of course, subject to change, so post any comments or thoughts you might have. The Dead(groan)line will be 31st December 2005 then the definitive list will be published on 1/1/2006. Here are the candidates so far for 2006:

• George Best - In intensive care, lets hope he doesn't 'pull a Monkhouse' and go before 1/1/06
• Jane Tomlinson - shes survived another year, can she pull through 2006?
• Liz Taylor - lost the will to live apparently, maybe she watched one of her own films
• Ronnie Biggs - I cho cho cho choose him to go this year!
• Saddam Hussein - gotta be a good bet as he's facing execution after the show trial!
• Patrick Moore - He's as old as the moon
• Dennis Norden - he's been boring us to death for years
• Arthur C Clarke - The 87 year old scientist might go this year
• Nelson Mandela - The 85 year old former terrorist is looking a bit peeky
• Lady Thatcher - 80 a few weeks ago, can't speak, very frail

C'mon, get your thinking caps on....

Shocking, but I Shouldn't Laugh

Imogen flew over yesterday, although we were both tired when she landed we had a couple of pints in the Londoner Pub, which was nice.

I have also got a new car, a Pontiac Grand Prix, which is a bit more sporty than the Malibu. I'll get some pictures soon. It has this weird feature that I didn't understand until I asked someone this morning. You can start the car remotely from the key fob. How weird is that? And why would you want to do it? I tried it last night and lo-and-behold, it started (was very strange walking up to it, getting in and seeing no keys in the ignition!). It seems this feature is for the cold American states like Boston. Imagine one cold Morning and your car window has 2 inch thick ice. Well Mr 300lb American doesn't have to bother scraping the ice off, that would be too much like hard work! Nope, he can sit his gigantic ass down at 'Junk in a Box' order another massive lard burger with a side of heart attack, switch his car on, and it will defrost itself quicker than you can say "Supersize me" Yay! How cool (and useless!) is that!

I laughed out loud this morning when I heard on the news that a priest at a baptist church had accidently electrocuted himself! He was stood in a shoulder deep pool of water waiting to perform Gods work in the form of baptisment, when the dumb-ass grabbed a microphone! His startled congregation (I bet the priest was more startled than them!) could only watch as he fried...the Darwin principle in action folks! A truly shocking way to die (groan)

Drawn Together

I was watching South Park on Comedy Central last night. It was the episode where the boys think the girls have a device to see into the future, so Butters is picked to be the boy who must fake his death, become a girl and infiltrate the girls sleepover (Im not sure its aired in the UK yet).

There is a reference to Pet Cemetry in this episode, but the whole episode is very very funny. In the picture above, you can see the results of Mr Garrisons recent sex change (another classic episode in season 9)

After South Park, there was a new cartoon on called Drawn Together, which is like the sexy, dirty version of South Park. The (loose) premise for this show is that a load of cartoon characters are in a reality TV show, so I decided to watch it, because I couldn't be bothered to reach onto the coffee table to flick channels.

There seemed to be two sub plots: 1) Spanky (the virtual cartoon character) contracted a computer virus, and needed health insurance, and the only way to get it was to marry the gay character. and 2) and Foxxxy the black crime fighting chick needed to pass some exam to get her crime fighting certificate (she ended up exposing the exam boards plot to stop blacks passing exams!)

I was just amazed at how 'close to the bone' this cartoon is! If it comes to the UK, watch it!

Check out the links....

http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/drawn_together/index.jhtml

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386180/

http://www.heavy.com/viral/drawnTogether/

Something Wal-Mart this way comes

Arrived back in Texas last night after a journey time of 24 hours :-( The plane was delayed for nearly 2 hours in Manchester because of a problem with the generator on the engine. I knew there was something strange going on when, after we had boarded, the captain informed us that the aircraft was being topped up with extra fuel (I didn't think they could fuel a plane with people on it) We started our taxi to the runway and the electrics kept cutting out, so we were wheeled back to the gate. By this time I was sh!ting my pants! We eventually took off, but I was pretty nervous the whole way there. This wasn't helped by the twin brats that were sat in front of me, Evan and Connor three years old and no concept of manners. They needed a good clip around the ear, which I was just about ready to meat out to them by the end of the flight

Of course I missed the connecting flight to Dallas from Chicago, but my luggage didn't. It arrived in Dallas 2 hours before me, so I had to find out which terminal it had arrived at when I landed. I eventually found it it had arrived at terminal 3, so I had to catch the shuttle from terminal 1. I swear when i found it, it was looking at its watch and sighing at me!

I then had to catch the shuttle bus to the car rental place, along with loads of other people who's flight had been re-directed because of Hurricane Wilma, so I was warned that there was probably going to be a shortage of hire cars...what a perfect day! I managed to get a bigger car though for the same hire rates, which wasn't too bad.

My dad lives his life by trying to avoid the number 13, he reckons its unlucky, I reckon thats tosh. however check this out...

One my flight from Manchester I was seated in seat 13. I boarded at gate 26 (13*2)
At Chicago i was on flight 67 (6+7=13), and i was in seat 33, boarding group 4 (3*3 = 9 + 4 = 13)
Spooky, eh? :-)

Anyway, needless to say, I was knackered when I eventually got home.

This morning I went to Wal-Mart to get some food. I had a good look at the guns and ammo there today! I noticed you can even buy clay pidgeons and the catapult to launch them...how cool is that?! I asked the guy a the counter where the nearest shooting alley is, and it turns out its about 8 miles away from me, I am very sorely tempted to go and shoot some rounds! You never know when you might have to take up arms against the government - its in the constituion, son!

I could have spent half a day in Wal Mart - they sell everything. Tents, Paintball guns, fishing stuff, nob enhancer. Its just great! There is even an advert on TV for nob enhancer, I laughed out loud when I saw it. This guy is at a pool party with a huge grin on his face, he dives in the pool and his shorts fall off, he gets out the pool and everyone stares at his how massive his Johnson is! He might have a huge c0ck, but he still can't buy a fecking beer without getting ID'd!

It seems that the hurricane has caused the sudden cold snap in weather here. Its dragging cold air down and it was about 3 degrees this morning. Hopefully it will get nice and warm again soon.

Oh, get skype, its really cool and you can phone other people who have it for free. You can also phone land lines for cheap (1.2p a min) The sound quality is better than a normal phone. I spoke to Mellis today and it was just like he was in the next room. Check out the link to skype.com on the right
Missing you already....

Back on Sunday

Hello again

Im back to Texas on Sunday, flight arrives at Dallas at about 18:00, which is about midnight your time. Hopefully the weather will be nice and warm, although I will be packing a few jumpers with me this time :-)

Im off surfing on Saturday with my brother - I just hope its not too cold!

Ill post more pics when I get back to the US...laterz

New Religious Laws

Have you heard the one about the Muslim, Christian and the Seikh at the barmitsvah? Oh no, can't tell that one, the thought police will be at my door....

Got my US visa approved yesterday - yay!

Back in Blighty

Morning

Im back in England until the 23rd October. Im working in Waddington again, but i'll be in London for my visa application tomorrow (Wednesday) On Friday Im off down to Malvern for the weekend, so most of you will probably see me at the weekend in some kind of drunken state. I think it might be a good idea to organise a curry - haven't had one for a while

Portugal was good, apart from my mum slipping on the bathroom floor and splitting her head open and requiring several stitches. Apart from that, we had great weather and a nice relaxing time. I think Claire had a great time too! She spent most of her time floating in the pool on her lilo! ill post the pictures when I get back to the US (if I get the visa!)

Time for a coffee i think - before things get too hectic

Pics of the Pad

Here's some pictures of the pad. This is the livingroom....
The dining room, that also doubles up as my computer room. The flowers are fake by the way. This opens right out on to the balcony... This is a shot from the balcony into the apartment. This is the view from the balcony. You can see the walkway I mentioned before from here... Here's the kitchen area. Note the five quid hanging from the fridge magnet on the freezer door :-) The utility room. Proof here that I have done some washing! The bathroom - or rest room as they seem to call it out here. I doubt anyone would want to 'rest' in here after Ive been in it! The bath...this is totally great. The bath is huge - I can almost swim in itThis is the walk in wardrobe, or closet as they call it here. Personally I think it will make a nice guest room for anyone who comes to stay! As you can see I need to buy more clothes to fill it! The bedroom...very comfy it is too!

Well Im gonna sign off - big storm just started. I fly back to the uk tomorrow, so I'll be offline for about a week. See y'all soon

Conference

I read with some bemusement that some frail 82 year old chap who escaped Nazi Germany in world war two, had been manhandled out of the 'New' Labour conference for daring to heckle at Mr Straw's speech defending Iraq policy.

Police then used powers under the anti terrorism act to stop him from getting back in. Surely this is an abuse of power by the police? Were we not assured by Blair that these new anti terror laws would only be used to curb terrorism and not be abused by those in power?

The article can be found here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/4291388.stm

Getting Gay with Ethics

Morning

Just had one of those 'Justify HR's jobs' seminars. God I hate these things. This was about ethics, so you could argue I had the most to learn from it. So, basically we had some 'ideal' world situation and we had to use some little cubes to say if the guy did his job right (or at least thats what I think happened) I got very bored very quickly. If only I had remembered to have an adrenalin injection before going in.

'Never Engage in Insider Trading' But surely thats the best time to engage in such an activity? 'Compete Fairly for Business' I say "do it to them before they do it to you".

Ho Hum.....

Itinery for October

Hi

I will be flying back to the UK on Thursday, then Im off to Portugal on Saturday for a holiday, which will be nice.

I have to have an immigration interview on the 12th October in London. I just love those guys in Immigration, basically, all Im going to do is go in with a smile on my face, answer their questions with a polite "yes/no/please/thank you", and try to avoid deportation :-) I intend to be in Malvern on Friday 14th October for beers and a curry perhaps.

I am soooooooo looking forward to a proper pint!

Oh...happy birthday Ali...your card is on its way :-)

Austin With The Washbournes

Here's a couple of pics of when I went to see Rich and Krista. This is Rich's Camero. It was just too hot to pose with the roof down :-(















This is me outside a fine eating establishment called Bone Daddy's. The waitress chicks unfortunately are not on the menu though :-(


This is a pic from the Schlitterbahn waterpark. It was totally brilliant, and ill defiantely be going back there when it re-opens next May

Pictures

Hello again. I bought a cable for my PC today from fry's electrical. Its a huge PC/Home Entertainment place, and I spent about an hour and a half in there before i relised the time! Anyway, I have no managed to ge the pics off my phone, so Ill post them here.

I have also installed Skype, but I dont yet have a handest, but when I do, Ill be able to call for about 1 cent a minute - usa, usa, usa!

This is my Malibu Maxx. Its very nice and comes with a lovely V6 engine. Thank God petrol is nice and cheap here...but the Americans are moaning because its $2.80 a gallon. These people need to live in rip off Britain before they open their mouths to moan about petrol prices!














Here's some pics of the apartment complex...

This was taken on the first day I got to the place, so on about 6th September.














These two are taken on the walkway at the back of my apartment. If you look at the picture on top, you can just make out my gym kit airing out on my balcony! I did wash it later - honest :-)

The walkway is about a quarter of a mile along and takes you past the volley ball court and the tennis courts. There are also some 'circuits stations' so if you run along it, you have to use the equipment along the way to do situps etc!
















I took this picture on the drive into work the other morning. I drive East to Greenville along the I30 and the sun is usually just rising as Im on my way. This picture doesn't actually do the scene justice, as it was just a huge orange fireball in the sky. It looked really lovely.

Good Friends

Its 8pm here now, and Ive been watching all the hurricane stuff on CNN. Goolag and Becky called from the UK to make sure I was ok - bless them! Its always great to hear a friendly voice, even if it is 2am in the Uk and your mates are a little worse for wear :-)
The weather here is still ok, just a bit cloudy and it seemed to get darker quicker than usual tonight. Still warm though, had a beer on the balcony in just my shorts. Hmmm sweet beer...
I will upload some photo's of my stay here soon...when I get my camera. I have some on my phone, but I haven't brought my connector with me - d'oh.

For those who don't yet know, my sister was released on Tuesday. I swear she is more level headed and mature than I am, and I am really proud of her. She has been through hell and back, and come out the other side. I certainly hope I never have to walk a mile in her shoes, because she is made of stronger metal than me.

Now then, where did I put my beer.....

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