Update

Just an update on life really...
Was up at Malvern at the weekend for Bazza's birthday do. He's 36, the old get. He hired the West Malvern village hall and had a band on too. I think everyone got quite squiffy and had a jolly good time. Bazza is looking even more like a ZZ top reject these days, but it kinda suits him.

I have ordered the rest of the bits I need for the garage roof, so that will be going up this weekend. I have also been deciding what door I should buy. Whooa I hear you say "Excitement overload"!

I can't believe its so close to christmas, I don't really know when Im going to do all my shopping. I think I hate this time of year the most...Bah Humbug! If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!.

Its not cos its not a nice time of the year when you get to see all your mates etc, but its the rampant commercialism of the thing. I don't even beleive in the whole nativity malarky, and I don't have any kids to enjoy the season through - in fact I made my neighbours 6 year old daughter cry the other week, by telling her I knew father christmas personally, and he wasn't going to be coming down our street because every one had been naughty -oops! I thought I was being amusing, but I didn't realise kids take it seriously :-) I think there is only one person down our street who doesn't deserve any presents this year - and thats me!

Oh well, Im sure Jacob Marley is having serious 'chain envy' down there in Hell at the moment, as my shackles are being put together.

Bah Humbug

More Principles Gone

Ho Hum, it seems the principle of being innocent before being proven guilty has gone now. That Stump sucker, Blair, wants us all to be finger printed if we get pulled over for traffic offences now. Well thats not actually true - yet.

He wants it to be voluntary, for the moment.

I can apparently refuse to give my prints. Id like to see me try! If you do that, you get arrested and carted off to the cell's to be finger printed anyway, and your dabs are then entered onto the national database. I say, if they want my prints, go find them - I leave them all over the place, with everything I touch.

Of course, people are saying that if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear, but this saying is attributed to George Orwell in 1984, and to Goebbels. Nice.

This 'initiative' will apparently help us catch illegal immigrants, and criminals.

Well, an illegal immigrant by their very nature, wont show up on any databases. They are illegal - ergo invisible. And if you're a criminal, why worry? The prisons are full anyway, and you just get let out after about five minutes these days anyway.

I'll surrender my fingerprints when Blair and all those other crony bastards in Westminster volunteer their own DNA, Finger prints, iris scans and other biometric data they preach to us. Lead by example, you twats.

Hmmm, if they want my DNA for their database, then they can send a lady officer around to my house (they probably know where I live) where she is quite welcome to extract some of my DNA in the more 'adult' and fun ways. I might as well enjoy giving up my freedom.

Im a law abiding citizen, but I would still like to enjoy personal freedoms without this 'government' eroding them further.

*** I wonder just how long it will be before calling the prime minister of the day a 'Stump Sucker' will earn me a long spell in the cells anyway?! ***

Todays work

My brother came down today to help me finish off the garage brickwork. As you can see from the pictures the trusses are hanging upside down on the walls, so all I need to do is swivel them around and clamp them into place.

I decided that the 'soldier' bricks across the lintel were pants, and they needed to come off to be re-bricked. My brother has more patience than I do, so I got him to do them, but his were as worse as the effort I had done. Neither of us were happy with them. So, we decided that soldier bricks were lame anyway and we pulled them down and just bricked it up horizontally. They look miles better :-) And straight.















Anyway, the breeze blocks are all done now, so all I have to do is finish the bricks across the lintel. The roof will be assembled either next weekend or the weekend after...almost there now!

Comedy These Days

Was in Hell, sorry, Hull last night to see Mitchell and Webb at the City Hall, with my friend Mel. It seemed like Hell actually because the christmas lights were being switched on, and the city centre was packed.

Anyway, I had never actually heard of this comedy duo, so there were a few scetches when the crowd whooped and cheered that I didn't get. On the whole, I thought they were pretty good. There were some lame moments, but I probably just didn't 'get it' - I am getting older you know, so Im not quite as 'hip' as I used to be :-)
However, comedy these days seems to be based around the one liner catch phrase, and the short sketch, which I think show like 'The Fast Show' have a lot to answer for!

Take a look at 'Little Britain' for example. As much as it still makes me laugh, I often wonder how long catch phrases like 'yeah, I know' can be funny for? Every Andy and Lou sketch falls into this formula:

1. Lou wants Andy to do something
2. Andy take the opposite view
3. Lou turns his back
4. Andy gets out of his wheel chair and does something amusing
5. Andy sits back in the chair and the status quo is returned.

Its getting to the point were it actually writes itself...Messrs Lucas and Walliams must be laughing all the way to the bank! Good on 'em.

The catch phrase show could also be a sign of our times too. In this time of short attention spans, the political sound bite and the fast food culture, people can't be bothered with the comedy drama and having to invest time and thought into their entertainment. Anyone got an thoughts on this?

Maybe I should think of some amusing catch phrases and write a sketch show?

On a different note...my roof trusses turned up today - whoo hoo!

See...short attention span :-)

Truss-tastic

My roof trusses are turning up next Friday! They have been quicker building them than I expected. There are 11 of them, all to be spaced at 600mm intervals between the two walls.

I can't believe that I have managed to get this far. When I got the place, I was wondering how much it would cost to get a builder in to finish it, but Im glad I've done it myself. I've saved myself quite a bit of cash, and I've learnt quite a lot in the process.

I now have to learn how to get the roof fitted, because I have absolutely *no idea* how its supposed to go on.

Once its on, all I have to do is:

1) Nail the tiles on etc
2) Get the doors and fit them
3) Do the guttering

Of course, once the garage is done, I will need to build a drive way, a garden wall with wrought iron gates and dsecide what to do with the area at the side of it.

Looks like 2007 will be busy too!

Gordon Brown

Just watching a report on the news about Mr Brown touring a school, but why oh why oh why does he do that weird thing with his mouth when he's talking? It reminds me of Christopher Reeves when he had to close the tube off in his neck so he could speak, but Superman had a good reason. Whats Gordon Browns reason??

Solving the Worlds Problems

Did you know there is a world wide shortage of Morphine? The west can't manufacture enough of the stuff for pain relief for cancer patients and the chronically ill.

Also, did you know that one third of Afghanistans gross domestic product comes from the illegal growing of poppies, that drug barons turn into Heroin and sell to addicts here in the developed world. The US spends millions of dollars having troops over there to destroy these fields and generally pissing off the local farmers, who 'live' on less than $2 a day.

Wouldn't it be a great idea, if, instead of destroying this crop, America and the UK paid these farmers a fair price for the poppies to turn into morphine. That way, the farmers would have a decent wage to live on, there would be a good supply of the pain killer, and the drug barons would have to look else where for their shite. It would also help stabilise the country and get some kind of economy started. Thats three problems solved.

Vote for me!

A Dilemma

Well, this week has seen two women back on the 'market'. But of course, my dilemma is which one do I ask out first?

Here we have Miss Spears. I think shes 23, so only a few years younger than myself. I imagine she would enjoy a night out on the tiles with my good self, or even a cosy night in by the roaring open fire. I can impress her with my garage building stories, and voluminous computer knowledge, I reckon she'd find that a massive turn on. She can talk about shopping if she likes...Im great at faking interest

Here we have the lovely Reece Witherspoon. When I was in Austin with Mr & Mrs Washbourne, we were in a bar on 6th street, and there was a girl at the bar who was the spitting image of her. She was born in 1976, which makes her 30, so shes in the right age bracket :-)



So, you can see the bind Im in. I'll need to go on a few dates with them both I reckon, and then I'll choose. It'll be heartbreaking for the one I have to dump, but Im sure she'll get over it.

Pondering...

Well, its winter, its getting colder, so where are all the bird flu scare stories? Surely they're only just around the corner...

Halloween Parties

Went to two really good halloween parties this year. The first was at Rich G's in Worcester. I went as a vampire, zombie, clockwork orange composite, as you can see from the photo below.
















The standard of costumes was (as usual) very high, but Barry T looked particualrly scary. He used latex on his face to give the impression of being bullet ridden (a bit like his Half Life alter ego, "Orson Cart", after he has been on the rough end of a pasting from my good self!)




Barry T with John B dressed as a mummy in the background.














Alex also looked particularly scary, as the Devil. The red paint must have got every where! You can just about make out the horns on his head. Russ, in the background looked amazingly like Uncle Fester from the Admas family, but he hadn't actually dressed up :-D
















This was Cathy and her teacher friend from Oxford















This is Esther, she came as a dark angel, and although you can't see it in this pic, she had black wings and a black halo on her head















Rich came as a clown. Clowns are scary....















Gaz usually courts controversy by coming as some dispicable human being (usually Mr Bin Laden) Its good to see he didn't disappoint this year! If Rich had a garden, he was going to set fire to his cross there :-) John B sewed all the bandages onto a set of pjamas for the mummy look















The second party was thrown by my next door neighbour, Carol. She really went to town on decorating her front garden and dressing up the kids (and the adults!) The effect of the flying ghosts in the front garden and all the tomb stones looked fantastic on the night.


This is me in the kitchen with some spooks and a can of beer!










My witches hat looks a bit deflated. Im not quite as scary as the rest of them















This is part of the scene outside with the skeletons escaping from the grave. You can see the tomb stone in the background
















Pretty scary huh? As if the skeleton wasn't bad enough, he's being chased by a ghost!



















In this pic, one of the kids had just dropped a hairy spider on me from her bedroom window. As you can see, Im not scared at all!! :-D















I showed them pesky kids - I was more scary than the spider. And no, those teeth aren't fake scary ones, they're my own :-D















Them nob-heads on 'Most haunted', dream of getting pics like this, and when they don't, that ponce, Derek Acorah fakes them.