New Years Honours

Well, its almost the end of the year, so Im looking forward to receiving my new years honour this year! Im sure it will be dropping through my letter box any day soon, I mean, I have been a good lad this year, I always put my bins out, and I recycle, so I imagine her majesty is about to bestow a knighthood on me, or even a Baron-hood?

'Baron Taylor of Littleborough' It has a nice ring to it if you ask me!

'Sir Mark of Malvern' Yes I think I could live with that

Well, if you're reading this your majesty, can you hurry up with the notification...I have to be back at work next week.

:-)

Anyway, I do hope Bruce Forsyth gets one this year, he's about 108 now if he's a day, and I hear he does a lot of work for chari-dee, but doesn't like to talk about it

Anyway, this is Sir Mark, wishing you all a happy new year :-)

Another Year Over

So, 2008 is almost over. Does it seem to anyone else that news is just recycled year on year? I bet you *any* money that the following news items will be recycled in 2009!

1. Its always news worthy to dig some filth up about Princess Diana, after all, how else is Paul Burrell going to fund his pension? This year it was the inquest that found they were unlawfully killed, and I expect that in 2009 there will be another 'secret' leaked by Al Fayed or Burrell. Thanks to the news scum, she'll never be left to rest in peace.

2. There will be more news of death in Afghanistan and Iraq

3. There will be more news of the 'credit crunch' which is a stupidly childish way of defining, what is, a Financial Crisis. Who says the BBC is dumbing down?

4. There will be more news items questioning 'is the BBC dumbing down?'

5. The GCSE and A Level results news item, that is the same *every year*. Let me answer the question now: Yes GCSE and A Levels ARE getting easier! I predict that the overall pass rate will be reported at (approx) 98.8% this year

6. After the results of the exams are announced, there will be the usual out cry reported about binge drinking (this will probably be a popular theme throughout the year)

7. Tom Cruise will have a film out where he spends an hour on the red carpet talking to peoples mothers on mobile phones.

8. On valentines day, there will be a report about a 100 year old couple who met on valentines day. The drool on their chins will say it all...

9. Worcester will probably flood again in July. Que reporters stood in Upton-on-Severn, knee high in water asking why this has happened again

10 Amy Winehouse will be in rehab again, and be late for some gig or other.

11 Wimbledon will be pissing wet through. A Brit wont win it.


Yawn...anything I have missed? I look forward to ticking them off the list...

What??!

I read with utter amazement and incredulity that it is looking very likey that the British taxpayer will be bailing out Jaguar/Land Rover!

This company is foreign owned! Whats more, it is owned by a company that supports a formula 1 team!

Why didn't Goober Brown bailout Woolies - they only owed 385 million sheets - arse pocket change compared with Jag. The jobs there were just as important as Jaguars

Also, wasn't one of this wonderful governments policies to take big thirsty cars off the road? They should be clapping their hands that Jag/Land Rover are going to the wall. I think that the 'Greenwash' policies we saw are now going to be sidelined (so its not all bad then!)

Anyway, as a Jaguar owner myself, I want to see them go to the wall - it will mean my car will become more sought after, virtually over night!

MalvernDrinkies

Im off to Malvern today to meet up with a few people for xmas drinks :-) It should be good...

Tomorrow Rich is back from the states, so hopefully ill be meeting up with him for a catch up pint or two.

I'll post pictures later on

Anyone Else Smell a Rat?

This just doesn't add up....

We are being asked to believe that for over 30 years (Yes, Thirty Years!) successive governments have been over paying pensioners

Well, if I was a government auditor, I would be taking the revolver from the silver platter, walking into the drawing room, and ahem, doing the decent thing!

Im not sure what the consequences are. The government have said that the pensioners wont have to pay anything back...but their pensions will be cut sometime soon

Is this just another way of paying back the gazillions of pounds Mr Brown has borrowed to bail (private) banks out?

I wonder what will be next? Tax credits? Child trust funds?

I rule at conspiracy theories :-)

Strictly Rubbish

I have never watch Strictly Come Dancing, but with all the controversy with it lately, the latest one being all three semi finalists get through to the final, I would say that its fixed?

The only winner in this show is BT, who will be raking in a ton of cash from all the idiots ringing in.

Sky and Data Privacy

I hate cold callers with a passion you can only imagine. I love my weekends off.

So imagine my frustration when I got a cold call at 10:15 on a Saturday morning.

"Good morning Mr Taylor, how are you today?"

"Huh? Erm, Im fine thanks, who might you be?"

"Im Miss Smith (not her real name) calling from D&G, you have now had your Sky+ box for over a year, and your warranty with Sky has run out, don't worry though..."

"Im not"

"...because we can cover you for break downs, etc etc etc"

"let me just stop you there Miss Smith, Im rather surprised that after reading my contract and it saying that Sky don't sell my data to other corporations, that I find myself talking to a third party about renewing my sky warranty."

"Erm...." Silence.

"I can inform you that I wont be taking you up on your fine offer, of some worthless warranty, that you will wriggle out of the second I need it, I will however be taking up this apparent breach of contract with Mr Murdoch and his Sky team. Have a nice day!"

Click!

Don't get me wrong, I love having Sky TV, but I wonder where I stand on this 'selling on to third party' clause?

Time to do some research I reckon...if you have had any calls like this let me know?

In God We Trust?

So, the credit crunch is well under way. To me, this has been a long time coming, and it was obvious something like this was just around the corner.

Anyone who lied on their mortgage application form (essentially committing fraud) is now reaping what they have sown, and I for one, have no sympathy with them.

The greedy traders who have gambled with everyones security should now be made to pay with their jobs, in my opinion.

I think this recession is going to be longer and harder than the lies we are being peddled by our politicians

I hope the legend printed on the dollar bill isn't all we have left....because then we are all totally screwed!

Oh How People Change

Or how the mighty have fallen!

I didn't realise that Johnny Rotten was now a salesman? I remember in the 70's how the Sex Pistols scared me (I was 7 years old!) As I grew up I realised they pushed the 'anti establishment' envelope, as part of the punk movement.

I even warmed to Mr Rotten in the Jungle a couple of years ago

However, tonight I saw him selling butter on TV!

What the fuck?! How do you go from 'God Save the Queen' to 'You'll never put a better bit of butter on your knife'?!

What a twat! Everything he ever says now, will be like a turd dropping out of his mouth into my drink

Wanker! I hope the money was worth it!

Northern Ireland

Last weekend I drove my 'Father-in-law-elect's Jaguar XJ6 over to Northern Ireland for him. Apparently he has always loved Jags, and ever since I got my XJS, he has wanted one (see what my brother started?!)

Anyway, his is a red XJ6 with tan leather interior. Absolutely lovely to drive too - you feel like you're king of the road when you're in it. Here's a picture...














I drove from Lincoln to Cairnryan in Scotland (which is near Strantraer on the west coast of
Scotland) to catch the ferry, pictured below here




























Once on the Ferry, I took this picture of the moon light on the deck - it didn't come out as well on digital as it looked (it was on my phone)















I got to Bangor at 11:15pm, and felt as fresh as a daisy. It was just really nice to drive all that way alone, just me and radio 4 :-)

The next day, we did our usual thing of going down to the local pub, drinking a load of Guinness, and backing a few horses (which I never do) I happened to be very lucky this time, and won 32 quid for an 8 quid outlay...I managed to drink my winnings away :-)

A great weekend was had by all...

I Hold My Hands Up, I was Wrong!

People who know me, will know that two of my least favourite subjects are Football (well, sport in general) and Hull.

When I heard that Hull had been promoted to the Premiership, I thought, oh well, they will be the whipping boys, and will be relegated by the end of the season.

Well, am I being proved wrong?! Only goal difference is standing between them and the top spot!

While I still couldn't care any less about football if i tried, I know there are loads of people in Hull who will be over the moon about this, so I guess its a good thing

Yawn :-)

The US elections

So, Dubya's reign is almost over, its time for someone else to clear up the mess.

The two hopefuls are John McCain, a 72 year old senator who's attempts to run 8 years ago were hampered by Bush's men (I wonder what 8 years under McCain would have brought, rather than 8 years of Bush?) If McCain wins, he would be the oldest man ever to become president.

The other hopeful is Barak Obama, a 47 year old African American senator from Illinois. His experience is in stark contrast to McCains. He only entered the Senate in 2004!

It would be wrong for an Englishman to comment on an American presidential election, but for me, this is a one horse race. And he happens to be a dark horse...

Devils Coach Horse

Thanks to Barry Taylor (no relation) I have an answer to the little 'darth vader' thing we saw when walking on the Malverns.

Apparently, it is a Devils Coach Horse. You can read about it here...

According to the write up, it can squirt stinky brown liquid out of its asshole. Funny that, so can I :-D

Anyway, thanks Barry...

Goga's 30th

We went to a friends 30th birthday party last week. We stayed at the mount pleasant hotel in Malvern

We had a meal at the Abbey Hotel, but it was rubbish! Don't eat there! We had a hair in the mayo dip, and when we complained no one did anything about it.

Anyway, on the Friday we went to see 'An Ideal Husband' at Mavern theatres. Carol had never been to the theatre before, so I was hoping she would enjoy it. It was ok, but a bit slow in parts

Gog'a party was great and it was good to catch up with everyone. Mikes girlfriend, Debbie is a little bit nervous that I am Mikes best man - when I say nervous, I actually mean, shitting her self!

Ooooh the power!

Apparently after getting totally wrecked at the party, she ralphed in Mikes Mx-5! I don't think Mike was impressed! There's one for the best mans speech!

Here are some pictures....

The abbey hotel from our hotel room window. It might look nice, but don't eat their over priced, hairy food. In this picture, you can see a van delivering several sack loads of pubes to put in their mayo sauce.









We went for a walk up the Malverns. It was a bit windy! I quite like the picture though, for the dramatic skyline










During our walk on the hills, we happened across this little fella. The picture doesnt really show things up too good, but it looked like a small scorpion...although this picture makes it look like a miniature Darth Vader!

Anyone got any idea's what it might be?






The wheel bearings on my Jag decided to fail, so Barry offered to give us a lift to Hanley Swan to wait for tow truck. What a great bloke - over and above the call of duty - thanks Bazz

By the way, can you guess which country Barry is from?

Phew!

Im glad I didn't win the lottery last night - I wouldn't want to have to put my millions in any bank at the moment!

The credit crunch also raises another question. I think its pretty much inevitable that we are now in a recession, but a few media pundits have been talking about a depression.

So, my question is...when does a recession become a depression?