I've been watching X Factor recently and i've noticed that if you want to get through, you need to have some kind of sob story to guarentee your place in the boot camp round
Next year I have decided to borrow someones child, dress them in rags, make their faces all dirty and say:
Me : "I had to adopt little Oliver here, because his mum and dad left him on my door step when he was 1 day old"
Judges: "Awwwwww, he's so cute"
Me: "Yes its terrible, we haven't eaten in three years, but it was either us or his pet rabbitt"
(I kick the Urchin's ankles)
Urchin: "Booo Hooo"
Sharon: "Awww bless, he's crying about his rabbitt"
Me: "Yes, he's very upset - it might be a good idea not to mention his pet stick insects. He still thinks they're on holiday"
I belt out some popular tune of the day, in drunk, pub singer karoke style, and voila, a record deal lands on my lap.
Im a friggin genius, I am